Kiddie Quotes
- Gabriel, sent to bed without his usual cup of milk, due to his bad attitude: “But you have to give me milk! It’s against the law to not give me milk!”
- Gabriel, at the end of a rather trying day: “I had so much sugar today, I think maybe even Jesus can’t help me be a good boy.”
- Gabriel, after eating one piece of Mike and Ike gummy candy: “That piece was Mike. I need another piece to be Ike.
- Gabriel, praying: “Fank you that I don’t call people punks, and fank you that when I’m big I will like avocados…”
- Gabe, on a trip to town: “Daddy, the red lights are always for us, and the green lights are for the other people.”
- Gabriel, staring at the vegetables on his plate: “But I don’t want to be healthy; I want to be sweet.”
- Gabe: “Will we go to the bathroom in heaven?”
- Gabriel, trying to explain what it feels like when your leg falls asleep: “I was sitting on my leg, and after a while it started to feel furry.”
- Gabe, after Daddy affectionately referred to him as a little rascal: “Daddy, I am NOT a little rascal!” Dad: “Sorry. What are you, then?” Gabe: “A BIG rascal!”
- Gabe, after hearing the story of Eutychus, who died when he fell from a third story window: “He should have used a parachute.”
- Gabe: “Daddy, I have an idea. Let’s get a huge ladder that reaches to the sky and climb up and jump down from a cloud.” Daddy: “That’s quite an idea.” Gabe: “Let’s get started!”
- Melody, gingerly carrying a diaper: “I’m allergic to stinks.”
- Jenny, after Gabriel chivalrously climbed behind the sofa to retrieve a missing book: “Well, I guess boys are useful for a few things.”
- Gabe, holding a dripping teddy bear: “I was dust goin’ to wass his mouf, den I wassed his ears, den he got wet all over.”
- Gabriel, whose vocabulary is ahead of his pronunciation, upon realizing that his sandals were missing after a shopping trip: “I fink I yeft dem in da tart at Kroger.”
- Gabriel, who can hardly wait for his third birthday: “I want presents!” Daddy: “You’ll have to wait until your birthday, then you’ll get presents.” Gabe: “I had a birfday and I are sixty-free, so I want presents!”
- Daddy: “Gabriel, what is Daddy’s real name?” Gabe: “Andrew.” Daddy: “That’s right, and what is Mommy’s real name?” Gabe: “Hot babe!”
- Gabe: “Mom! Mom! Mom!” Daddy: “Gabriel, don’t holler at Mommy when she’s on the phone. Can you tell Daddy nicely what you need?” Gabe: “Yes. Daddy, please I want Mommy.”
- Gabriel, whose desires are better than his grammar: “I want to be kindness.”
- Melody, coughing, gagging and spitting: “My tongue can realize even very small pieces of fat in this meat.”
- Melody: “Mommy, do you know what I’m stuffed with? Love for you!”
- Melody went to town with Uncle Motz. As they walked into Staples, she asked, “Are we eating supper HERE??!” “No, of course not. This isn’t a restaurant,” said Uncle. Mel: “But the sign outside said, Staples, the Office Supperstore.”
- Jenny: “Melody, what will you be when you grow up?”
Mel: “I’m not sure. Either a mommy or an Olympic runner.”
- Jenny: “Daddy, I know what you like to do. You like to use long words so I can’t even understand what you’re saying.”
Daddy: “In other words, you’re stymied by my sesquipedalian monologues?” Jen: “Da-a-a-d!”
- Melody: “Daddy, I know you’re thinking that I’m running in the house, but I’m actually just trotting.”
- Melody: “Daddy, I just went into your bedroom and made your bed so you don’t have to.”
Daddy: “Thank you. That’s very sweet.”
Mel: “It wasn’t any fun at all, but it did make my heart feel good.”
- Jenny: “Cereal for supper? That’s the hilariousest thing I ever heard.”
- Jenny: “Daddy, did you see the beautiful china doll that Aunt Oneta gave me?”
Daddy, “Wow, that was really generous of her.”
Melody: “She IS a nice lady.”
Jenny: “Especially for an old one. Same as Grandma.”
- Melody, saying grace: “DearGodthankyouforthefoodandthankyouformysis…and…and…and thank You that You can understand us no matter what kind of accent we have.”
- Melody: “Daddy, are you an udder?”
“WHAT??!!??”
“An udder. You know, someone that shows people where to sit.”
- Jenny, saying grace at dinner: “Dear God, thank you that Mommy knows how to make such good curry, and thank you that she married Daddy so I could be born, and thank you for the food. Amen.”
- Melody to Daddy: “Remember when we were at the gas station? They had lottery tickets and cigarettes, which we wouldn’t want to buy. But if I was trying to decide what to buy my little girl for her birthday, I would buy the candy they had there.”
- Jenny: “Do you know what would be the very best way to eat? Live on meat!”
- Melody was getting too rowdy, so Daddy admonished her to be calm. “Calm?” mused Mello. “Daddy, is calm the same as dot-com?”
- Melody: “I don’t know for sure if I have cancer, but I have some kind of sickness.”
Mommy: “Really? What does it feel like?”
Mel: “Like something’s in my throat, like either a rock or a bunch of hair, or maybe a raisin.”
- Melody, saying grace: “…and thank you for the food, and thank you for my sister Jen, and thank you that she’s not dead yet. Amen”
Jenny: “Duh! Not dead yet! I’ll live, like, probably thirty-three more years!”
Mel: “Or maybe a hundred?”
- Melody: “Knock knock.”
Daddy: “Who’s there?”
Mel: “Love.”
Dad: “Love who?”
Mel: “Love you, of course!
- “The family was driving along a rather bumpy dirt road when Jenny said, “With all the taxes we pay, I think the king- I mean the president- could build a real road here.” Amen from Daddy, whose wallet was much deflated by the IRS recently.
- Jenny: “Do you know who I want to be our next president?”
Mommy: “No. Who?”
Jenny: “Um-m-m. I’m not sure. I just know who I DON’T want- Hillary Clinton!”
- Daddy and Melody were gathering the trash to take to the local collection center. “Daddy,” said Mello, “this is a good opportunity.”
“What is?” asked Daddy.
“Going on a little outing with my old dad.”
- Melody: “I was climbing down from my high stool when I slipped and almost fell, but then I felt the warm arms of my angel holding me.”
- Daddy to Melody: “I like your new dress. You look very nice.”
Melody: “I know. I always do.”
- “Skinny though I am, I can lift these weights way above my head!” Jenny, working out with five pound dumbbells.
- “Why doesn’t she just go away?” Jenny, speaking of Hillary Clinton during a history lesson with Daddy where presidential politics were being explained.
- Melody to Daddy, “You’re my favorite daddy in this whole house!”
Daddy: “Wow, I’m impressed. I beat out some tough competition.”
Jenny: “Daddy, you should speak a language that Mel understands.”
- Jenny: “Mommy, I wish you wouldn’t go to the ladies’ meeting tonight.”
Mommy: “We’re going to talk about how to be good mommies, so it’s important that I go.”
Jenny: “I have something that you should tell them. I read in Grandpa’s book that parents should spend a lot of time with their children instead of giving them too many spankings.”
- Melody, saying grace at lunch: “Dear God, I love you. I love you so-o-o-o-o much! I love you as high as the numbers can go, and numbers never end!”
- As Mommy pulled some beautiful pastries from the oven, Mello said, “Mommy, I’d marry you if I was a boy because you make the best food in the world!”
- Daddy, as he wiped Gabriel’s nose for the umpteenth time: “Gabe, you’re like a factory.”
Melody: “What do you mean, he’s like a factory?”
Daddy: “He just keeps on and on making that stuff and never seems to run out.”
Melody: “Yeah, he’s like a quarry.”
- Melody: “Mommy, I wish I could have been at the wedding when you and Daddy got married. Someone else, maybe Miss Louella, could have borned me and brought me to the wedding so I could see it, then I would have lived with you and Daddy right away.”
- “When I’m in heaven, I’ll eat bubble gum ice cream with gravy on top.” In response to our puzzled looks, Melody clarified, “In heaven even nasty stuff tastes yummy.”
- Jenny, four days before Christmas: “Is this the day that I can say tomorrow I’ll be able to say that tomorrow I can say that tomorrow is Christmas Day?”
- After babysitting a neighbor’s dog for a few days, Daddy expressed his candid opinion that the little mutt was rubbish. Melody, eager to believe the best, said hopefully, “I think rubbish means that he really likes when people rub him.”
- Melody to Daddy: “Did you know there’s a pump inside me that just pumps and pumps love out? But sometimes a different pump tries to pump badness out, and I’m like, ‘Whoa, I guess my love pump needs new batteries, and I better take the batteries out of the badness pump so it doesn’t keep pumping bad stuff.’”
- Daddy to Mello: “I wonder why you woke up so early this morning. You really needed more sleep.”
Melody: “Sleeping is something I’m not very good at. I guess I need more practice.”
- “Well Daddy, I guess I’m just smarter than you are.” Jenny, as she made the winning move in a chess game.
- Jenny and Melody, preparing to play a game: “You may go first.”
“No, you may go first.”
“Why do you want me to go first?”
“Because I’m trying to be kind to you.”
“You were already kind to me this evening. It’s my turn to be kind, and that’s why I want you to go first.”
“Okay.”
- “What if God gave us twenty-four children?” asked Melody at the dinner table. When her parents had stopped choking on their food, and the conversation had moved on to other subjects, she abruptly reintroduced it: “Whenever we would want to walk somewhere, we’d have to hold on to each other’s necks and make a lo-o-o-ng line and go walking.”
- “Mommy, I really, really wish you would let me tell you what Mello just did. It wasn’t polite!” Jenny, lobbying unsuccessfully for an exception to our no-tattling rule.
- “When I wake up in the morning, I just feel like hugging! If everybody in the world lived at our house, I would hug and hug and hug them all!” Melody, providing a character sketch of herself.
- Daddy was reading the last page of the Bible story book, based on the book of Revelation. Jenny was intrigued by the artist’s depiction of Satan as a dragon. “I’ve always imagined he looked like a rolling pin with legs, running down a stone path.”
- Melody was trying to annoy Jenny in hopes of starting an argument. Said Jen, “Mel, I know exactly what you’re trying to do, and the more you try it, the more it won’t work, because I’m just getting happier and happier!”
- When Melody sat down to lunch at Aunt Beka’s house, there was a cup near her plate, holding a flower arrangement. Mello was distressed- “Aunt Beka, my mommy usually gives me my water in a cup without flowers.”
- Jenny to Melody, “Did you know that when Mommy and Daddy die, everything in this house will be OURS! I guess I’ll take Mommy’s tea set.”
- Melody, to a lady she befriended at the library, “Did you know that I’m never going to get married? I’ll always stay with my Mommy and Daddy.”
- “I guess I’ll go to a different corner just for something new. ” Jenny, on her way to serve five minutes standing in the corner, the penalty for an unkind comment to her sister.
- Jenny, trying in vain to bounce Daddy on the trampoline, “Daddy, you’re just too huge. You’re enormous.”
- Melody: “Did you know that in heaven God will let us do whatever we ask Him? We’ll say, ‘God, can I please fly?’ and He’ll say, ‘Fly,’ and we’ll just go soaring and fluttering up so high…”
- Melody spotted an antique car while riding with Daddy. “Wow, that car looks funny. It must be old.”
“Yes,” Daddy agreed, “it’s probably as old as MY daddy.”
“Well, it’s not the same shape as him, and anyway, he’s nicer AND smarter than a car,” Mello declared loyally.
- Jenny: “Daddy, do you know what I mean when I say that Melody is a C and I am an F?”
Daddy: “H-m-m, no I don’t.”
Jenny: “Melody is three and C is the third letter of the alphabet, and I’m six and F is the sixth letter of the alphabet.”.
- A very busy Mommy took a shortcut in fixing Melody’s hair, choosing to go with one quick braid down the back. Jenny was amused: “Mel, you look funny with just one stout little braid in the back.”
- Melody to Aunt Joy, “Do you know what Gabriel is?”
Aunt Joy: “No, what is he?”
Mel: “A toddler. AND a walker.”
- Daddy took Jenny along on a short business trip. On the way she complained of feeling sick: “My belly feels like I just ate a hundred grubs.”
- On the same trip, Jenny asked whether people have to pay money for the houses they live in. Daddy tried to introduce the idea of debt in language a six-year-old could understand: “When people find a house they like, they usually don’t have enough money to buy it, so they go to the bank and ask to borrow the money for a while. The bank says, ‘We’ll give you the money, but you’ll need to pay it back by a certain time, and you’ll have to pay us for using our money, and-”
“Daddy,” interrupted Jenny, “are you trying to say they go into debt?”
- At the breakfast table, Gabriel’s long hair, overdue for a trim, made him look rather unkempt. As he finished his food, he let out a yell to inform everyone his meal had ended. “Gabe,” said Mommy as she turned to him, “you look like a….” She paused, looking for the right word.
“Shrieking ragamuffin?” suggested Jenny helpfully.
- Jenny on the day before her birthday, “Melody, tomorrow you might think I’m still five, and I’ll be like help and goodness, no. I’m six.”
- Melody to Mommy, “You look beautiful in that dress. Where are you going?”
Mommy: “Just to the grocery store.”
Mel: “Whoa, I guess the people at the store will really like looking at you!”
- When Daddy bent down to tie Melody’s shoe, she impulsively kissed his cheek. When he thanked her, she assured him, “I didn’t just kiss you because I think I should kiss you every day. I kissed you because I really love you.”
- Jenny was moaning over some minor scratch, looking for sympathy. Melody, who wasn’t buying it, sarcastically said, “We’ll sure miss you when you die!”
- Definitely in the mood for Valentine’s Day, Jenny said, “Do you know how much I love you? Up to the moon and back again a million times, and as wide as God’s arms can stretch, and as much as there are people in the world, and as much as there are stars in the sky.”
- After a minor squabble, the girls were reminded to be kind to each other. Mello got into the spirit of it, saying “If Jenny be’s bad to me, I’ll just put coals of fire on her head!”
- While singing her heart out, Jenny abruptly said, “Mommy, do you know why I just sing and sing? It’s to wear out my voice so I won’t talk so much.”
- After breakfast Melody came beaming to Daddy and said, “Thank you for the wonderful supper!” Jenny rolled her eyes in exasperated big sister fashion and declared, “Mel, you messed yourself up again. This was the first meal of the day!”
- While drinking orange juice, Melody was disturbed by the pulp it contained. “Daddy, I don’t care for gravy in my juice.”
3 Responses to “Kiddie Quotes”
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Andrew you better watch that son of yours… Where’d he learn his mommy’s “real” name, anyway? Love it!!!
Hi Andrew and Elisabeth!
It was very nice to find your blog! I love the kiddie quotes and keep a list of them myself of my own childrens’ sayings… however my children are not as old as yours so not so sophisticated!
Here is some of ours
Taylor :”When I get to heaven I’m going to ask God a million questions and he won’t ever tell me to be quiet because I’m talking too much”
Amy: “Mom, I need some naggots for science class” (She meant maggots,lol)
Reese : “When I get big and growned up can I sleep with you and Daddy in your bed”?